writing repentance

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

I was literally sitting at a well-represented coffee shop (because there is no other option at the moment), writing a blog message early in the morning about how awesome Jesus is…but the sinning hypocrite in me had to stop and repent before I got past the third sentence. And, because this is a real sanctification moment, I thought I’d transparently share it with you.

It’s Sunday, and the weekend has been pretty awesome so far. We traveled from Florida to North Carolina to see our younger son—pick him up, really, on our way to Virginia for a family wedding on Saturday. This was wonderful, as both my boys and daughter-in-love were able to make the event. And I was able to see my brother, his wife, my stepmother, as well as a ton of family we’ve not seen for years. Like I said, it’s been a great couple of days.

Let me share my morning, however, that sent me into a self-righteous spiral of frustration and anger (told you I was going to get painfully real). Here is the series of events that has happened to the point of me typing these words:

• I went to the hotel gym, and (for a very expensive hotel), it was filthy. But I did my thing anyway.
• Because my husband and son were sleeping, my plan was to finish at the gym and sit in lobby sipping coffee and writing. After walking around on the hunt for those familiar dispensers, I asked the desk person. “The restaurant doesn’t open until 7:00.” In other words, “There is no coffee until you can pay an exorbitant price for it at the restaurant.” I mildly lost it and responded that I couldn’t believe there was no coffee…and, by the way, “Your gym is absolutely filthy!”
• So, given that I can’t go back to my room, I go to said popular coffee shop. No customers are there (inside or in the drive-through). Takes a while for me to be acknowledged. Then I order. After 15 minutes, I ask about my drink. “We just got an order for 10 drinks.” (The unspoken part, “And they were more important than you, so you can wait.”) When I did get my coffee, the order was wrong. I won’t elaborate on what transpired next, but it ended with me being given what I need to fix my own order, only to spill steamed milk all over my phone and computer. 

When I finally got to the place of starting my “Jesus is awesome—are you saved?” blogpost, the Holy Spirit was all over me: “Um, Julianne, you are seriously going to write to others about the Christian walk when you are sitting in disobedience at this very moment?” I paused to realize that the computer screen was blurry not because of the spilled milk, but because of the plank sticking out of my eyeballs (Matthew 73:3-5). 

So, what was going to be a blog about Jesus being the Great Physician, has turned into a lesson for myself (and hopefully you, dear friend), about how our sanctification walk with the Lord is a journey in the direction of obedience. It’s about getting better and better about recognizing my sin, being quicker and quicker to repent, and then stepping back onto the narrow road to holiness. Won’t you join me on this road today?  

Heavenly Father, forgive me for my self-righteous anger and unkind words. And thank You that as soon as I recognize my failure and repent, You are quick to forgive.